Dear Ryan Seacrest,

Dear Ryan Seacrest,
I need my own tv show. It's not so much a want, more a need. For both of us.
A bit about me: I am a typical 9 to 5'er (correction 9 to 6'er, that whole "9 to 5 bit" is a major falsity, I'll write to whoever started that lie later), who feels my talents would be better served in front of the camera of my own half hour (could be an hour if the editing was done right) television show. I am willing to do almost anything on my show (well except maybe bite the head off of a pigeon a la Ozzy Osbourne, but definitely don a unitard and walk the streets of Los Angeles with a midget a la Chelsea Handler - I love love love miniatures, but that's a separate letter). I am also great with people and can chase them down in 5 inch heels if necessary (don't ask). I think alcohol is 50% of the food pyramid and carbs should be the other 50. I used to be so ugly I had to sneak up on water to get a drink. I have a dating history that rivals "Another World" (RIP). I can also have an entire conversation with an answering machine or any other inanimate object.

Call me.


P.S: I don't eat meat.


Wednesday, July 25, 2012

NYC - Night 2


On night two we decided to hit up our FAVORITE bar - Joshua Tree. For those of you who've never been, well you've truly never lived. For those of you who have been and don't like it? Well, we can never be friends.

We positioned ourselves right by the DJ and requested our favorite songs (a little Def Leppard, Bon Jovi, and Ace of Base - obviously).  A guy approached and introduced himself and his friends and once again I was able to get Ayla free shots. One of the guys said he was a doctor. So I took it upon myself to inform him it was a shame he picked such a dead end career that would make no money and help no one...that veterinary medicine is truly where it's at now. He looked a bit stunned...I felt fulfilled.

When we got back I took a shower and when I got out Ayla was sound asleep...so I shut off all the lights and off to sleep I went. I have no idea how much time passed before I heard POUNDING at the door. It took me a while to even realize it was OUR room that the pounding was occurring at....I woke up Ayla (who somehow had completely missed it) and up she went to the door. Turns out Sleeping beauty had ordered room service while I was in the shower and then passed out, so when I got out I had no clue and just went to bed.

I lifted the lid and go "you ordered macaroni and cheese?"....she goes "yah, gotta keep it classy".   So there we sat...at God only knows what time eating french fries and macaroni and cheese.....

 Funny Confession Ecard: Sometimes I get so excited while eating mac n' cheese that I forget to breathe.
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