Dear Ryan Seacrest,

Dear Ryan Seacrest,
I need my own tv show. It's not so much a want, more a need. For both of us.
A bit about me: I am a typical 9 to 5'er (correction 9 to 6'er, that whole "9 to 5 bit" is a major falsity, I'll write to whoever started that lie later), who feels my talents would be better served in front of the camera of my own half hour (could be an hour if the editing was done right) television show. I am willing to do almost anything on my show (well except maybe bite the head off of a pigeon a la Ozzy Osbourne, but definitely don a unitard and walk the streets of Los Angeles with a midget a la Chelsea Handler - I love love love miniatures, but that's a separate letter). I am also great with people and can chase them down in 5 inch heels if necessary (don't ask). I think alcohol is 50% of the food pyramid and carbs should be the other 50. I used to be so ugly I had to sneak up on water to get a drink. I have a dating history that rivals "Another World" (RIP). I can also have an entire conversation with an answering machine or any other inanimate object.

Call me.


P.S: I don't eat meat.


Thursday, May 19, 2011

Judgment Day

So word on the street is that this Saturday, May 21st is Judgment day.  I really don't see what the big deal is, I mean yes it really sucks that this is occurring 2 weeks before my birthday. I think that's really the HUGE downside. BUT getting to meet J.C seems pretty cool, I mean this is the guy who turned water INTO wine. That's my kind of guy.

I read that Jesus will take all of the true believers up to heaven and leave everyone else to live out the "end of days" here on earth. This seems a bit dramatic to me. I was discussing this fact with a friend of mine and she says "yah it's meant to scare the hell out of you". I told her, "I've been in east harlem at 3 am by myself, it takes a lot to scare the hell out of me.".

I also told another friend of mine that he has approximately 48 hours to get re-acquainted with Jesus. It's crunch time now. Time to un-friend Lucifer on facebook and get serious.

As for me.....while I don't relish the thought of being in Dante's Inferno...I have always loved warm weather...
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