Dear Ryan Seacrest,

Dear Ryan Seacrest,
I need my own tv show. It's not so much a want, more a need. For both of us.
A bit about me: I am a typical 9 to 5'er (correction 9 to 6'er, that whole "9 to 5 bit" is a major falsity, I'll write to whoever started that lie later), who feels my talents would be better served in front of the camera of my own half hour (could be an hour if the editing was done right) television show. I am willing to do almost anything on my show (well except maybe bite the head off of a pigeon a la Ozzy Osbourne, but definitely don a unitard and walk the streets of Los Angeles with a midget a la Chelsea Handler - I love love love miniatures, but that's a separate letter). I am also great with people and can chase them down in 5 inch heels if necessary (don't ask). I think alcohol is 50% of the food pyramid and carbs should be the other 50. I used to be so ugly I had to sneak up on water to get a drink. I have a dating history that rivals "Another World" (RIP). I can also have an entire conversation with an answering machine or any other inanimate object.

Call me.


P.S: I don't eat meat.


Friday, May 13, 2011

RHONY


OK I admit it - I like bullshit, mindless television (this should come as a shock to no one since I want my own reality show).

Ever since the Real Housewives franchise started I have been a devoted fan (although I bowed out of Atlanta and stopped watching D.C a third of the way through). My favorite has always been NYC and even with the departure of Bethenny I have continued to watch. Last night however, the absurdity reached a whole new level. As Ramona and Jill got into YET ANOTHER fight  - Jill storms out only to then be seen in a car with her man friend - the "Countess"......She is balling and saying "she did it to me again".  Lady, unless she ran over your dog, shot your husband, or used the last syringe of botex there is absolutely ZERO reason to be crying in the car at 48 years old.

Although Ramona (and I do love her, especially as a fellow FIT grad) did come off as a complete wack-a-doodle. I mean it was HER party to celebrate the launch of HER wine. Yet there she is, picking fights. But I think she's one of those people that can only handle calm for so long...then she needs to stir that pot up.

Then to top it off Sonja bends over and shows her bruised ass to the world at her costume party.  You can't help but feel a twinge of pity for these 40 something's. But then you stop...look at their houses...their lack of a job...their designer duds and realize "shit, these women got it made". Plus they're allowing me to laugh AT them. That's awesome.

However, if you're going to show your ass to the world, for God's sake, make sure there isn't a bruise on it. I mean - have some class....

Ohh, but I do loooove me some crazies.
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