Dear Ryan Seacrest,

Dear Ryan Seacrest,
I need my own tv show. It's not so much a want, more a need. For both of us.
A bit about me: I am a typical 9 to 5'er (correction 9 to 6'er, that whole "9 to 5 bit" is a major falsity, I'll write to whoever started that lie later), who feels my talents would be better served in front of the camera of my own half hour (could be an hour if the editing was done right) television show. I am willing to do almost anything on my show (well except maybe bite the head off of a pigeon a la Ozzy Osbourne, but definitely don a unitard and walk the streets of Los Angeles with a midget a la Chelsea Handler - I love love love miniatures, but that's a separate letter). I am also great with people and can chase them down in 5 inch heels if necessary (don't ask). I think alcohol is 50% of the food pyramid and carbs should be the other 50. I used to be so ugly I had to sneak up on water to get a drink. I have a dating history that rivals "Another World" (RIP). I can also have an entire conversation with an answering machine or any other inanimate object.

Call me.


P.S: I don't eat meat.


Monday, October 10, 2011

When your bumper sticker makes you a dumbass

This morning on my drive in to work the car in front of me had the below bumper sticker on their window:
Newflash asshole: THEY LOST. Annnd it's been nearly 4 years since they lost. Maybe ditch the sticker. Or, now here's a thought, don't put them on to begin with! Either a) you're candidate will lose or b) your candidate will win and make you wish they'd lost. Would you put up "I ALMOST got a promotion", "I won SECOND place!", "In the top 5 I'm number 6!"?? 

No. It's lose lose and in the end you look like AN ASSHOLE. A stupid asshole.
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