Dear Ryan Seacrest,

Dear Ryan Seacrest,
I need my own tv show. It's not so much a want, more a need. For both of us.
A bit about me: I am a typical 9 to 5'er (correction 9 to 6'er, that whole "9 to 5 bit" is a major falsity, I'll write to whoever started that lie later), who feels my talents would be better served in front of the camera of my own half hour (could be an hour if the editing was done right) television show. I am willing to do almost anything on my show (well except maybe bite the head off of a pigeon a la Ozzy Osbourne, but definitely don a unitard and walk the streets of Los Angeles with a midget a la Chelsea Handler - I love love love miniatures, but that's a separate letter). I am also great with people and can chase them down in 5 inch heels if necessary (don't ask). I think alcohol is 50% of the food pyramid and carbs should be the other 50. I used to be so ugly I had to sneak up on water to get a drink. I have a dating history that rivals "Another World" (RIP). I can also have an entire conversation with an answering machine or any other inanimate object.

Call me.


P.S: I don't eat meat.


Tuesday, January 31, 2012

KKTNY

Last night I watched the season finale of Kourtney and Kim Take New York. I'm pretty much disgusted with myself for even watching it. I swore off Kim K after she forced me into a 2 part 4 hour "Makings of a Circus" documentary, only to call off said circus 72 days later. However, my DVR picked it up and (obviously) I couldn't erase. So I got sucked in...to. the. entire. season. Gross I know, I am by no means proud. 


The finale focused on Kim's "gut wrenching" decision to want to end her marriage. Umm I'm pretty positive Kim and Kris didn't like each other - at all.  He likes working out and she likes fame. He likes Minnesota and she likes anywhere BUT Minnesota. He likes t-shirts and basketball shorts.  She likes skin tight Saudi Princess clothes. Oh and Kim is one ugly crier.  Hasn't this girl ever heard of waterproof mascara?

My favorite person on the whole show is Scott (trust me, I'm just as shocked as everyone else given how the Miami season went - yes I watched that too - did I mention I'm disgusted with myself?). He's funny, honest, and makes fun of himself.  I appreciate that fact. Especially when Kourtney is strolling NYC in 6 inch Louby's (NO ONE strolls NYC in 6 inch heels, not even Sarah Jessica Parker) and Kim is dressed up like she's Jasmine from Aladdin.

In an interview with Barbara Walters Kim said she used to think she'd have a lot of kids, but now she's thinking "maybe I'll just be an aunt". Given how she is a control freak, hates things out of order, loves cleanliness, hates clutter, needs to be the center of attention, and her 2+ hour morning makeup routine,  I'd say perhaps this is a good idea.

Bible.
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1 comment:

  1. mollieJanuary 31, 2012 at 9:29 AM

    hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaa. LOOOOOVE it. and ps. scott's my fav too. followed by khole.

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