Dear Ryan Seacrest,

Dear Ryan Seacrest,
I need my own tv show. It's not so much a want, more a need. For both of us.
A bit about me: I am a typical 9 to 5'er (correction 9 to 6'er, that whole "9 to 5 bit" is a major falsity, I'll write to whoever started that lie later), who feels my talents would be better served in front of the camera of my own half hour (could be an hour if the editing was done right) television show. I am willing to do almost anything on my show (well except maybe bite the head off of a pigeon a la Ozzy Osbourne, but definitely don a unitard and walk the streets of Los Angeles with a midget a la Chelsea Handler - I love love love miniatures, but that's a separate letter). I am also great with people and can chase them down in 5 inch heels if necessary (don't ask). I think alcohol is 50% of the food pyramid and carbs should be the other 50. I used to be so ugly I had to sneak up on water to get a drink. I have a dating history that rivals "Another World" (RIP). I can also have an entire conversation with an answering machine or any other inanimate object.

Call me.


P.S: I don't eat meat.


Thursday, March 15, 2012

Taste the Rainbow

Kristin Cavallari can be seen below appx 4 mths pregnant in a swimsuit:

 Bathing for two: Kristin Cavallari looked stunning as she showed off her growing stomach by the pool in Mexico today, she's to be a bridesmaid tomorrow She wears it well: Gone are the days when pregnant women were expected to hide away under layers of clothing

Now please notice her PREGNANT backside:
C'est chic: Besides her tony bump, you could barely tell that Kristin is expecting

That part where her butt meets her thigh is the part of my NON-pregnant body you could hide skittles under.

It really annoys me when pregnant people have better bodies than me.

Thank God for J. Simpson.
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