This is what an asshole looks like

First jasmine from Aladdin at her wedding.
Now she's African princess.

Old Navy vs Bergdorf Goodman

In college one of my best friends and I would go to Bergdorf Goodman and look at all of the amazing items we couldn't afford but one day hoped to buy. In the bathroom they had Laura Mercier soap, body scrub, and lotion. So we would hide out and lather, rinse, and repeat. We loved it. They were beautiful containers and our hands were silky smooth. At $50.00 a jar, the free samples were as close as we were getting to them.    So this was our weekly field trip. Spa treatments for the poor.

Now, nearly 4 years after entering the workforce, we both have "adult" jobs and can FINALLY afford the Laura Mercier hand soap and we have a new weekly field trip....................Old Navy.

Yep. You heard me right. Old Navy. I'm breaking my silence and going public with this info.

My friend (who shall remain nameless so she can still show her face in public) recently moved to Texas and while waiting for her on one of our lovely 115 degree summer days I sought refuge in the Old Navy right next door to her apartment. I've always been a bit perplexed by Old Navy. Why are there 200 items on a stand only meant for 20? Why do they make 63 XXXL and feel the need to put them all out at the same time?  Why in some pants am I a size 2 and in others a size 12?  However what I saw was a plethora of SALE signs. So I examined further. Pants for 12.99? Don't mind if a do! A super soft chemise nightie for 10.00?? Hell yes! A tank for 3 DOLLARS?!? I'll take 4!  After our first shopping trip I got 5 things and spent 32.00!

So we went back. Take an extra half off sale items?!? Yes we will.  My friend got a bathing suit top for 23 CENTS! 23 CENTS?!? If she'd given them a quarter she would have gotten change back! I mean who cares if it even fits, I'd show a little side boob for 23 cents!

The other day I wore my 12.99 olive green cropped pants and someone said "I love those pants who are they by???"..."Err, 12 year old factory boy?"

I'm headed to NYC soon and I think my first stop will be Bergdorf's, where I will proudly walk to the bathroom in my $3.00 top, slather my hands with Laura Mercier and say to myself "Yes. I've made it".

When your bumper sticker makes you a dumbass

This morning on my drive in to work the car in front of me had the below bumper sticker on their window:

Newflash asshole: THEY LOST. Annnd it's been nearly 4 years since they lost. Maybe ditch the sticker. Or, now here's a thought, don't put them on to begin with! Either a) you're candidate will lose or b) your candidate will win and make you wish they'd lost. Would you put up "I ALMOST got a promotion", "I won SECOND place!", "In the top 5 I'm number 6!"?? 

No. It's lose lose and in the end you look like AN ASSHOLE. A stupid asshole.

The Pop Quiz

A couple weeks ago my boyfriend and I were at the grocery store and there was a Martha Stewart Wedding magazine on newsstands with a bunch of engagement rings on it. I looked at him and said:
          "ok, if you had to pick one, which one do you think I'd want?"

He goes: "you don't even want to get married"

My response: "Umm you're missing the point, which one would I WANT?!?"

Ahh the power of the pop quiz.....
                                                   

The Tooth Fairy

I was just talking to a co-worker of mine regarding her 6 year old son and the items he receives from the "tooth fairy". Then I thought to myself, THANK GOD the tooth fairy isn't real or I'd have no teeth. When I was (let's be real "am") strapped for cash I would totally just pull those suckers out, stick em under my pillow and wait to wake up to the beautiful greenery in the morning....

*sigh*

Back to hookin it.

Costa Rican Observations

I recently went on vacation to Costa Rica (amazing in case anyone wants to go). However, here are three major things I learned:

1. You can in fact get sunburned when it's cloudy.
2. One pieces were invented for a reason.
3. A good reason

One day my mother and I went to the pool (mind you it's off season so there were only like 15 of us total at the pool amidst 200+ lounge chairs), there were two...err...large-er women there. Sisters perhaps. As we passed by them I realized I wasn't 100% sure if the one was wearing bottoms. I thought for a second she might be pregnant, but given her size she would have to have been on the elephant gestational cycle.

Later she stood up. There they were, the miraculous bottoms I'd been searching for for the last hour (I'm a stare-er what can I say). She was wearing a bikini for a toddler, not Jonah Hill pre weightloss.

So this brings me to my point. Just because you CAN doesn't mean you SHOULD...and in this case that would be WEAR A BIKINI. Now this doesn't just pertain to the "baby bottoms" sister. This also pertains to the 20-somethings walking around the pool with their bikini top acting more like nipple covers and the strings on their bottoms barely tied due to lack of elasticity. You don't HAVE to wear a bikini, there are plenty of other options - tankini, one piece, boy shorts, burka....

And if you absolutely MUST wear a bikini can you at least make sure that people aren't placing bets as to when you stand if they'll see bikini bottoms or the land down under?

Sorry - I suck - But I will be better

So I really suck at this whole "writing a blog and keep it updated routinely". I vow to get much much better...and also to start including things in my blog other than just random B.S stories (a girl's gotta grow afterall :) But I won't completely abandon the B.S - afterall that is what my life is majorly comprised of :)