Taste the Rainbow

Kristin Cavallari can be seen below appx 4 mths pregnant in a swimsuit:

 

Now please notice her PREGNANT backside:


That part where her butt meets her thigh is the part of my NON-pregnant body you could hide skittles under.

It really annoys me when pregnant people have better bodies than me.

Thank God for J. Simpson.

Pants are soooooo 2011

 

Liar Liar Pants On Fire

I do not understand all of these celebrities who "accidentally" get pregnant:

Uma Thurman
January Jones
Jessica Simpson
Kristin Cavallari
Jessica Alba (first time)
Nicole Richie (first time - ok in all fairness she was probably on drugs at the time)
Snookie (ok in all fairness, probably drunk)

They're all like "I have no idea how it happened".

Umm really? I mean I could probably break it down for you. I've always known how NOT to have a baby. In fact, it's a mantra I repeated to myself daily in college.

I get you can get pregnant while using birth control, but lets be serious here, that's not happening to ALL OF THEM. Kind of like how not EVERYONE can have a nose job that results in "sinus issues".  We've all seen the "Knocked Up". THAT'S how it happens.

Don't lie to me. I'm looking at you J. Simpson.

 

I don't see what the big deal is...

 

this is the best she's looked in the 27 months she's been pregnant.

Spotify

Spotify makes me feel the need to listen to "cool" music since it pops up on my facebook profile. And somehow everyone else is listening to "cool" music. Like really? No one wants to indulge in some Spice Girls? A lil 98 degrees?

I think today I'm going to listen to Vanilla Ice, NSync, annnnnnnd Nickleback.

Definitely Nickleback.

Vegas = Lunatics = My People

Sorry for my absence (please note I spelled absence wrong and spell check corrected to abstinence...not sure what kind of story they think I'm telling here, but that's for another post), but  I went to Las Vegas, shockingly it was my first time there. Well in full disclosure I went as a child, but not really funny when your mom has to shuttle you  from pay phone to pay phone on the casino floor calling time and temp just so the guards don't tell you and your child to get out (my dad was gambling, hence the shuttling).

I plan on posting several pictures from my time there, but for now I'll stick to one. This little gem:

I'm sorry it's blurry I was laughing hysterically, will post better photos. However, a man approximately 55 years old was dressed up as cupid and had on some sort of pink tight chaps. Upon seeing him I immediately did a little happy dance. My boyfriend's cousin and his girlfriend were with us, they said "you really like this sort of thing?".  I just stared at them. Umm like it? No no, I LOVE it. This shit makes me happy. In fact, I live for this shit. Bizarre people, wearing bizarre things, acting like lunatics, and not giving a fuck what people think? Yah, this is awesome.  I'd also wondered why I'd spent so much time on the strip where all you see are two bit hookers (the kind who accept money and the kind who aren't yet aware this is their lifes calling) wearing teeny tiny clothing with a muffin on top. Clearly downtown Las Vegas, Fremont Street, is where it's at.  

We stumbled upon the Heart Attack Grill (would have been much more thrilling to me if we hadn't already gotten one in Dallas), for those of you don't know it's a place to make the fat fatter and it rewards anyone weighing over 350 lbs with a free meal.  As we're all standing there in awe of such a place a man looks at us and says "I bet if we all got on the scale we'd be 350". Hmm..what to say. He then proceeds to tell us a story of how his son was a "fat ass" and how he used to tell his son he was a "fat ass". Clearly this man was inebriated, not as awesome as cupid chaps, but he'll do. He then goes "and THIS is his mama". We all look down to see a tiny woman with bleach blonde hair who make some sort of squeaky noise. Clearly she doesn't get to talk much. The man proceeds to talk about his "fat ass" son a few more moments. Boring. Over it. Where's cupid when you need him.

Above us people were ziplining and there was an electric light show (the street was "covered" by a half moon for several blocks) that if anyone dropped acid and went there would have the time of their life (perhaps this explains why cupid was there). 

There was also a man wearing a leopard unitard who did a robotic dance before squeezing himself into a box.  Get excited.