Dear Ryan Seacrest,

Dear Ryan Seacrest,
I need my own tv show. It's not so much a want, more a need. For both of us.
A bit about me: I am a typical 9 to 5'er (correction 9 to 6'er, that whole "9 to 5 bit" is a major falsity, I'll write to whoever started that lie later), who feels my talents would be better served in front of the camera of my own half hour (could be an hour if the editing was done right) television show. I am willing to do almost anything on my show (well except maybe bite the head off of a pigeon a la Ozzy Osbourne, but definitely don a unitard and walk the streets of Los Angeles with a midget a la Chelsea Handler - I love love love miniatures, but that's a separate letter). I am also great with people and can chase them down in 5 inch heels if necessary (don't ask). I think alcohol is 50% of the food pyramid and carbs should be the other 50. I used to be so ugly I had to sneak up on water to get a drink. I have a dating history that rivals "Another World" (RIP). I can also have an entire conversation with an answering machine or any other inanimate object.

Call me.


P.S: I don't eat meat.


Sunday, March 27, 2011

My Love Affair With Cupcakes

On Valentines Day in college one year the cafeteria made cupcakes and gave them out for free. I was in class when I found this out, but upon hearing this news I practically broke out in a dead run straight for them. I got downstairs and was relieved there were some left, I grabbed my cupcake. I was so excited. Free cupcake - my day is MADE.

I headed back upstairs to class, I was intently staring at my cupcake, careful not to drop it.  Then it happened.  I fell straight down the stairs, ate shit so hard I wasn't sure I still had teeth, but all I could think about was my cupcake. There it was. Smashed on the landing. But I didn't have time to mourn my loss. I heard people coming. 

On our way out from class we took the stairs, after a flight I saw it. The fallen soldier. A girl says "omg, who the hell smashed their cupcake?!?", "oh wow, I have no idea".

I silently shed a tear. I think it was chocolate.....
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