So true.

Some people save babies, I save Manolo's.

The other day when I was getting ready to leave work I looked outside and it was POURING rain.  I went back inside and got my umbrella, then as I was about to walk into the rain I realized "MY SHOES!".  My fabulous beautiful SUEDE Manolo Blahnik shoes.

I looked out at the rain, then down at my shoes; out, down, out, down. I considered my options:

1. Run out in the rain praying my shoes don't get "too" wet.
2. Run out in the rain fully knowing my shoes will most likely get ruined.
3. Do the Redneck run - take my shoes off, and run like hell......barefoot.

Look classy, but most likely ruin my shoes or look trashy and not ruin my shoes??

So......off those suckers came! I put them in my bag, zipped it up, and made a run for it. Note to self: when running like hell barefoot in the rain, concrete is slippery when wet. I nearly fell 2 or 3 times, but I was focused on the end goal. Keeping the shoes safe.

Once I got to my car, I took my shoes out and inspected - not a drop on them. Whew. As I was preparing to drive away I realized there were definitely tiny pebbles jammed into the bottom of my feet. Shit....hmmm.....I found a gum wrapper and used it to get the pebbles out and soak up as much water as possible. Note to self: a 1 x 1 gum wrapper square does not absorb much water.

Finally, I was good to go...I looked over at my shoes one more time - still safe and sound.....Victory!

You can take the girl out of Oklahoma, but you can't take the Oklahoma out of the girl.

Happy Friday!!!

Spray Tan? Check
Shiny Top? Check
Tracks in? Check

It terrifies me that she looked in the mirror and went "Daaamn I look good".
No sister. You don't.

Wal - Mart

Aside from making me want to kill myself, Wal - Mart also makes me want to buy shit I never even knew existed.

I see those "roll back" signs and I think to myself "holy shit, stuff is still sold for under $1.00! Don't mind if I do..."

They sell canned meat for 60 CENTS, I considered buying 10 and I'm vegetarian.

A bucket for $1.29?!? I don't even know what the hell you do with a bucket short of running a car wash or stashing body parts, but I can get 4 for under $5.00!

A microwave for $39.00?!? Hell yes! I have a built in, but why not have an extra?!?

And the people?!? The people are A.W.E.S.O.M.E. I mean what other store has an entire website devoted to the people who shop there?!? It's like the friggen state fair EVERYday.

So in short my friends:

A movie: $12.00
Dinner: $50.00
canned meat, a bucket, and people who think unitards are for daytime dressing: Priceless

This is what an asshole looks like

First jasmine from Aladdin at her wedding.
Now she's African princess.

Old Navy vs Bergdorf Goodman

In college one of my best friends and I would go to Bergdorf Goodman and look at all of the amazing items we couldn't afford but one day hoped to buy. In the bathroom they had Laura Mercier soap, body scrub, and lotion. So we would hide out and lather, rinse, and repeat. We loved it. They were beautiful containers and our hands were silky smooth. At $50.00 a jar, the free samples were as close as we were getting to them.    So this was our weekly field trip. Spa treatments for the poor.

Now, nearly 4 years after entering the workforce, we both have "adult" jobs and can FINALLY afford the Laura Mercier hand soap and we have a new weekly field trip....................Old Navy.

Yep. You heard me right. Old Navy. I'm breaking my silence and going public with this info.

My friend (who shall remain nameless so she can still show her face in public) recently moved to Texas and while waiting for her on one of our lovely 115 degree summer days I sought refuge in the Old Navy right next door to her apartment. I've always been a bit perplexed by Old Navy. Why are there 200 items on a stand only meant for 20? Why do they make 63 XXXL and feel the need to put them all out at the same time?  Why in some pants am I a size 2 and in others a size 12?  However what I saw was a plethora of SALE signs. So I examined further. Pants for 12.99? Don't mind if a do! A super soft chemise nightie for 10.00?? Hell yes! A tank for 3 DOLLARS?!? I'll take 4!  After our first shopping trip I got 5 things and spent 32.00!

So we went back. Take an extra half off sale items?!? Yes we will.  My friend got a bathing suit top for 23 CENTS! 23 CENTS?!? If she'd given them a quarter she would have gotten change back! I mean who cares if it even fits, I'd show a little side boob for 23 cents!

The other day I wore my 12.99 olive green cropped pants and someone said "I love those pants who are they by???"..."Err, 12 year old factory boy?"

I'm headed to NYC soon and I think my first stop will be Bergdorf's, where I will proudly walk to the bathroom in my $3.00 top, slather my hands with Laura Mercier and say to myself "Yes. I've made it".

When your bumper sticker makes you a dumbass

This morning on my drive in to work the car in front of me had the below bumper sticker on their window:

Newflash asshole: THEY LOST. Annnd it's been nearly 4 years since they lost. Maybe ditch the sticker. Or, now here's a thought, don't put them on to begin with! Either a) you're candidate will lose or b) your candidate will win and make you wish they'd lost. Would you put up "I ALMOST got a promotion", "I won SECOND place!", "In the top 5 I'm number 6!"?? 

No. It's lose lose and in the end you look like AN ASSHOLE. A stupid asshole.