Dear Ryan Seacrest,

Dear Ryan Seacrest,
I need my own tv show. It's not so much a want, more a need. For both of us.
A bit about me: I am a typical 9 to 5'er (correction 9 to 6'er, that whole "9 to 5 bit" is a major falsity, I'll write to whoever started that lie later), who feels my talents would be better served in front of the camera of my own half hour (could be an hour if the editing was done right) television show. I am willing to do almost anything on my show (well except maybe bite the head off of a pigeon a la Ozzy Osbourne, but definitely don a unitard and walk the streets of Los Angeles with a midget a la Chelsea Handler - I love love love miniatures, but that's a separate letter). I am also great with people and can chase them down in 5 inch heels if necessary (don't ask). I think alcohol is 50% of the food pyramid and carbs should be the other 50. I used to be so ugly I had to sneak up on water to get a drink. I have a dating history that rivals "Another World" (RIP). I can also have an entire conversation with an answering machine or any other inanimate object.

Call me.


P.S: I don't eat meat.


Wednesday, April 13, 2011

I just need ONE f-ing idea!


I am a DEVOUT watcher of all things Bethenny Frankel. I love her and am convinced we should be best friends. Her show the other night was about her and her husband visiting the bottling factory that Skinnygirl margarita (which is revolutionized my life by the by) is produced in. As she is sitting there just staring at the bottles go by she just keeps repeating "this all happened from just ONE idea. I just had an idea, and had no idea it would grow to be this".

In between my sips of my Skinnygirl marg I was yet again reminded that I have no ideas. I also don't have the time to have ideas. So after the show was over, I sat there, eyes closed - make that clenched and thought....and thought some more...nothing...crickets. Had I had too much to drink? No. That's not it. I blame my job for making me too tired to be creative, but I'm not even sure that's accurate. Just ONE idea. That's all I need.

The snuggie? Seriously? I thought of that when I was five, just had no idea there were enough lame-o's in the world to actually buy it. The cupcake phenomenon? Really? I can TOTALLY bake a cupcake. Shamwow? Done. Over 5 MILLION people bought pet rocks. My dog could have thought of that. Yet here I sit. Idea-less.

*sigh* One idea. Just ONE.

I really wish I could drink at work....

Hey! I wonder if that counts?
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