Dear Ryan Seacrest,

Dear Ryan Seacrest,
I need my own tv show. It's not so much a want, more a need. For both of us.
A bit about me: I am a typical 9 to 5'er (correction 9 to 6'er, that whole "9 to 5 bit" is a major falsity, I'll write to whoever started that lie later), who feels my talents would be better served in front of the camera of my own half hour (could be an hour if the editing was done right) television show. I am willing to do almost anything on my show (well except maybe bite the head off of a pigeon a la Ozzy Osbourne, but definitely don a unitard and walk the streets of Los Angeles with a midget a la Chelsea Handler - I love love love miniatures, but that's a separate letter). I am also great with people and can chase them down in 5 inch heels if necessary (don't ask). I think alcohol is 50% of the food pyramid and carbs should be the other 50. I used to be so ugly I had to sneak up on water to get a drink. I have a dating history that rivals "Another World" (RIP). I can also have an entire conversation with an answering machine or any other inanimate object.

Call me.


P.S: I don't eat meat.


Friday, May 6, 2011

Facebook

These days EVERYHING is accessible on Facebook....People put where they work, their phone numbers, their addresses...pretty much they put everything but a status that says "please come rob me".

People write status updates about their political point of view - I don't care.

People tell you when they're eating a bowl of cereal - I don't care.

They tell you their religion, their activities, when they play them, where they play them, and with who they're playing them with. It's as if match.com, every school "club" and people's personal calendars have collided onto one site.

And yet....here I am...having just listed my favorite movies. Half of which don't even have real people. I also "liked" the Disney page, which was marked by an unsettling sense of euphoria. I assure you I'm not some loony toon with an affinity for children's movies...I simply...just love me some Disney-pixar.

To which - no one really cares.....you're a genius Mark Zuckerberg...No one can resist the temptation of the Facebook.
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