Dear Ryan Seacrest,

Dear Ryan Seacrest,
I need my own tv show. It's not so much a want, more a need. For both of us.
A bit about me: I am a typical 9 to 5'er (correction 9 to 6'er, that whole "9 to 5 bit" is a major falsity, I'll write to whoever started that lie later), who feels my talents would be better served in front of the camera of my own half hour (could be an hour if the editing was done right) television show. I am willing to do almost anything on my show (well except maybe bite the head off of a pigeon a la Ozzy Osbourne, but definitely don a unitard and walk the streets of Los Angeles with a midget a la Chelsea Handler - I love love love miniatures, but that's a separate letter). I am also great with people and can chase them down in 5 inch heels if necessary (don't ask). I think alcohol is 50% of the food pyramid and carbs should be the other 50. I used to be so ugly I had to sneak up on water to get a drink. I have a dating history that rivals "Another World" (RIP). I can also have an entire conversation with an answering machine or any other inanimate object.

Call me.


P.S: I don't eat meat.


Monday, May 16, 2011

The Movies = Poverty


On Friday night my boyfriend and I went to the movies. My father had given me a 25.00 giftcard so we went to see Thor. The below are the two things I learned after purchasing the tickets:

1. I just bought tickets to a movie I have absolutely no idea what it's about
2. The movies are for rich people


Now I already knew that for 25.00 we could not get tickets, drinks, AND popcorn. But I thought we could at least get the tickets AND POPCORN.  As I walked up to the ticket counter I politely stated "two for Thor at 9:00" and the man responded something garbled into the headset thingy they wear (why do they wear the headset? is that thing even on?). I said "excuse me?" and while his response was still garbled I managed to make out "22.00". "Umm excuse me, 22.00?!?!". That is TWO dollars more than the last time I was there!  WTF?!? That will only leave me with 3.00 for popcorn. So that'll buy me....ohh....1/8 of a bag of popcorn!


I stomped off with my now 3.00 giftcard and up the stairs we went. I was still excited for my popcorn, although not nearly as excited as when I thought I was going to have FIVE dollars. We get up to the counter and I politely order a small popcorn, bottled water, and a box of goobers (those were for my boyfriend, I'm not a total fat ass). The man states "that'll be 13.75." Are you F-ing kidding me?!?!? I hand him my pathetic giftcard and he goes "that'll be 10.75". Oh wow, that really knocked it down. As we walked off I thought to myself "this better be the best damn popcorn and the best damn water and the best damn movie I've ever seen".

As I walked out of the movies the below occurred to me:

1. I just saw a movie that I am only 80% sure what it was about.
2. I am going to build a home theatre using K'nex and start acting out movies for my friends.

With gas at nearly $4.00 a gallon my friends aren't going to be able to GET to the movies much longer, much less buy anything more than 3 kernals of popcorn and a sip from the water fountain once they arrive....
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1 comment:

  1. mollieMay 19, 2011 at 2:49 PM

    oh my goodess you are too much. this is precisely why we take the kids to the dollar theaters if we can help it! 5 people at the regular movies? SO not worth it!

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