Dear Ryan Seacrest,

Dear Ryan Seacrest,
I need my own tv show. It's not so much a want, more a need. For both of us.
A bit about me: I am a typical 9 to 5'er (correction 9 to 6'er, that whole "9 to 5 bit" is a major falsity, I'll write to whoever started that lie later), who feels my talents would be better served in front of the camera of my own half hour (could be an hour if the editing was done right) television show. I am willing to do almost anything on my show (well except maybe bite the head off of a pigeon a la Ozzy Osbourne, but definitely don a unitard and walk the streets of Los Angeles with a midget a la Chelsea Handler - I love love love miniatures, but that's a separate letter). I am also great with people and can chase them down in 5 inch heels if necessary (don't ask). I think alcohol is 50% of the food pyramid and carbs should be the other 50. I used to be so ugly I had to sneak up on water to get a drink. I have a dating history that rivals "Another World" (RIP). I can also have an entire conversation with an answering machine or any other inanimate object.

Call me.


P.S: I don't eat meat.


Wednesday, June 8, 2011

I really do love balloons


  Today is my friend Mollie's Birthday - shout out to Mollie!

I just went with her to pick up a mystery gift from the front desk. Lo and behold it was one of those basket's of fruit, ya know, the kind that's cut into shapes and flowers and all that fancy jazz. At first I was thinking to myself "huh, I always wondered who got those things". At least there was a GIANT balloon tied to it. That made up for the fact that it was fruit and not a cookie.




Then as we were walking to the car it happened...."I'm comin up so you better  get this party started". We both looked at each other. My first thought was "holy shit, the fruit sings?? No wonder people order these!" We just stared at each other. Then it stopped. We get in the car......"I'm comin up so you better get this party started". OH. MY. GOSH.

Turns out it was the balloon singing to us. As if balloons couldn't get ANY better, they now sing to you. Amazing.

If only I could go out and "get this party started". But no. It's a Wednesday...at 3 in the afternoon...and since I'm not on welfare I must get back to work.

...maybe tomorrow balloon...maybe tomorrow
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