Dear Ryan Seacrest,

Dear Ryan Seacrest,
I need my own tv show. It's not so much a want, more a need. For both of us.
A bit about me: I am a typical 9 to 5'er (correction 9 to 6'er, that whole "9 to 5 bit" is a major falsity, I'll write to whoever started that lie later), who feels my talents would be better served in front of the camera of my own half hour (could be an hour if the editing was done right) television show. I am willing to do almost anything on my show (well except maybe bite the head off of a pigeon a la Ozzy Osbourne, but definitely don a unitard and walk the streets of Los Angeles with a midget a la Chelsea Handler - I love love love miniatures, but that's a separate letter). I am also great with people and can chase them down in 5 inch heels if necessary (don't ask). I think alcohol is 50% of the food pyramid and carbs should be the other 50. I used to be so ugly I had to sneak up on water to get a drink. I have a dating history that rivals "Another World" (RIP). I can also have an entire conversation with an answering machine or any other inanimate object.

Call me.


P.S: I don't eat meat.


Sunday, June 26, 2011

Sickness and Rudeness

OK here is something I totally do NOT understand.

I was recently sick and went home early from work. Upon my return the next day someone said to me "are you alive?" Umm "no?"....While I don't understand that question I figured surely their next question would be "are you feeling better?". It wasn't.

Later in the day someone asked me "did you just come to work to make everyone else sick?" Yes. Uh huh. That is EXACTLY why I came to work.

You would have thought I had Mono or that after work everyone needed to rush to get a TB skin test. Like I had a COLD, get a grip people. When did common courtesy go out the window in favor of the "are you alive" question. I get it's supposed to be funny...but it's not. It's not about "comedic timing" either. It just plain and simple isn't funny. And if not quickly followed by "are you feeling better" it's also just plain rude.

I think next time I'll come to work in one of those surgical masks, like the Chinese wore when fearing they might get Czars disease. See what kind of response I get then......and if people ask if I'm alive I'll simply say "nope, just decided my first task as a dead person would be to come to work".

Over it.

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