Dear Ryan Seacrest,

Dear Ryan Seacrest,
I need my own tv show. It's not so much a want, more a need. For both of us.
A bit about me: I am a typical 9 to 5'er (correction 9 to 6'er, that whole "9 to 5 bit" is a major falsity, I'll write to whoever started that lie later), who feels my talents would be better served in front of the camera of my own half hour (could be an hour if the editing was done right) television show. I am willing to do almost anything on my show (well except maybe bite the head off of a pigeon a la Ozzy Osbourne, but definitely don a unitard and walk the streets of Los Angeles with a midget a la Chelsea Handler - I love love love miniatures, but that's a separate letter). I am also great with people and can chase them down in 5 inch heels if necessary (don't ask). I think alcohol is 50% of the food pyramid and carbs should be the other 50. I used to be so ugly I had to sneak up on water to get a drink. I have a dating history that rivals "Another World" (RIP). I can also have an entire conversation with an answering machine or any other inanimate object.

Call me.


P.S: I don't eat meat.


Sunday, June 26, 2011

OK it's time.....

I absolutely MUST mention my disdain for Justin Beiber.

I get that 99% of the population ages 7 to who knows how old LOVE him. I used to not think he was that bad (ok this might be a borderline lie), but I figured it was better kids listen to his music than watch 99% of what's on television.

However, with his recent addition of tattoo's and earrings I'm over baby Biebs. Not to mention that somewhere along the line he picked up an opinion regarding abortion and sex before marriage. You're like 15 Biebs, shut it. I also think with his recent romance with Selena Gomez his thoughts on the latter might have changed somewhat.  That's the thing about 15 year old opinions, they're like pimples, every 15 minutes you have a new one where the old one popped.

imgres.jpgNow he has a fragrance. I saw it in a magazine the other day and got that vomit taste in my mouth. I understand marketing and I understand the money that is made in it. Biebs is the "it" guy and everyone has a fragrance these days, but COME ON. He was on the Today Show saying that he only wants a fragrance for girls because girls smell good and he did research on some girls that smell good to get the smell for his fragrance. Umm seriously?

Baby Biebs, just sing and dance and play whatever plethora of instruments you play, but don't speak. And don't blow your face up to 200% in your marketing campaign for your fragrance.

Oh and to the guy that recently got the Biebs face tattooed on his leg (grown man) I hope you drink heavily everyday of your life, because no amount of laser removal can cover up that kind of stupid.

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1 comment:

  1. LindsayJune 30, 2011 at 5:20 PM

    I saw huge Beibs today at Macy's and I almost puked. Seriously. WTF is he thinking? Well, I know the answer to that... dollar signs.

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